I started S1 and found school tough. I couldn’t concentrate, I was easily distracted, and I couldn’t do the work well. I assumed the role of the class clown to distract from my work. This got me into trouble. But through this time, KYTHE was always just there for me, I could just come in and relax, breathe, and be myself.
The school began testing me for dyslexia, and the diagnosis came a year later. It became clear that I was ‘different’, and I then got a CAMHS referral and I was diagnosed with ASD. I felt a sense of relief about this because I never felt as if I fit in at school, this is why. Whenever I went to KYTHE, this didn’t matter; I could just be myself.
I found myself struggling with grief in 2019 as a close family friend died in the summer, this impacted me hugely. I didn’t ‘deal’ with the grief for at least five months after her death. I just kept myself busy and distracted and suppressed all the emotions as much as I could to avoid dealing with them.
In December 2019, my mental health took a real dive during the Christmas holidays. KYTHE was shut, and I felt like I had nowhere to go. So, I shut myself in my room and didn’t speak to anyone much, I was alone with my thoughts.
KYTHE opened back up, and I felt an instant relief from the intrusive thoughts. I felt good for a while, keeping myself busy with new hobbies. And then, two months later, global lockdown. I did okay for a while, but then I got a bit bored of lockdown, and things got bad quickly for me. I started to question my place in life. And whether there was a place in life for me. I started to plan how I would end my own life.
During the turn of the year in January 2021 a schoolmate did take his own life. This changed everything. There wasn’t anyone who could say they weren’t affected by this, but It really opened the wounds of grief for me.
In the wake of this, I decided to give life one more try. Then about a year later, decided it wasn’t worth trying anymore. I’d made up my mind, so I’d planned to go into KYTHE to say my goodbyes and met Abbie there where she told me about a thing called Magnitude, a huge Christian festival that was happening that summer, and she asked me if I wanted to go, which I did. I decided to go ‘ALL IN’ for Magnitude with nothing to lose.
I met God there and was filled with the Holy Spirit. I came back and decided to go to church and now I believe in God!
Life has its bumps and hurdles, and over the last year there’s been many challenges, but I can honestly say my prayers were answered, I found myself and I am now able to love myself properly. No masks, nothing fake; I can now be my true, authentic self. I didn’t need to question my purpose in life, my sexuality, or anything else; I could just be who I am and not worry about the rest of that stuff. I try to be better now, and I haven’t had these kinds of thoughts anymore because I’m happy. I am truly happy! I know what peace is now. And it’s great! No, it’s wonderful!